Saturday, November 8, 2008

You're Gonna Miss This...

Today was one of those days....running to quiz meets, dropping kids off, cleaning the house and getting ready for a birthday party. Kids fighting and argueing and not listening. A perfect day for looking to the greener side of the fence....the one with no bikes or toys left out in the rain or to trip over. The side where I can stay up as late as I want or sleep in till noon. Where I can spend money on things I want not the things we need. When I was still smarter than a nine year old. The life I had planned for "when I grew up".

Then I hear about Heather Pick losing her battle to breast cancer, leaving behind her husband and two young children and I'm reminded that life is fragile. There is no gurantee of tomorrow, no second chance to do things right. Three years ago today Kaitlyn was born. This was one of the best and worst days of my life. I was in the middle of my battle with breast cancer and now we would find out if it had spread or not. When I was pregnant I was focused on keeping the baby healthy, there was little time to worry about myself but now suddenly it was all about me. I had done my job, Kaitlyn was going to be fine but my battle for life wasn't over. I remember thinking how I would miss the sound of my kids crying or being there if they woke up from a nightmare. How I would miss their hugs or hearing "mommy look" for the hundreth time. I just prayed for a miracle that God would heal me and that I would be able to be there for all those moments. God answered that prayer for me. I was so grateful...for a time. I cherished all those moments... for a time. But then life began to go back to "normal" I was "healthy" no mention of dying before the kids grew up. I began to take it forgranted that I was here for those moments and after time I began to resent the middle of the night cries or the "mommy look" when I was so busy cleaning up their messes.

Three years ago I promised that I would never take another moment forgranted. I would see all those small moments and take them to heart. I would never wish these days away but time and more kids than hands has a way of making me wish for kids to be older. For them to be less needy or at least more helpful. I look at Kaitlyn today and it's hard to believe that she's three. I see Reagan growing faster everyday and the rest of my children amaze me at times with their maturity. And it hits me...I'm going to miss this... I'm going to want these days back...I'm going to wish these days hadn't gone by so fast...these are some good times so take a good look around you may not know it now but you're gonna miss this.... lyrics from Toby Keith "you're gonna miss this"

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